It was in that hotel room - that I eventually checked into alone – that I made the decision that changed my life and wrote down in my diary: I want to begin a journey to joy.

We broke up a few weeks after – just after my presidential candidate had won a historic election. A professional high, an emotional low.

Solely because of her, fights were rare in our relationship, but we had another one after the Christmas fight that was particularly tough and didn’t any make sense to me at the time. In that moment, I told myself that this fight was irreconcilable and, amongst other things, it meant we were not compatible. But years later, I now know I was looking for an excuse to leave. I felt, foolishly and selfishly, that there was something even better out there. This relationship was not the one.

But the hollowness remained. In fact, on the morning of my birthday, just after we had broken up, I had spent time in the hotel begging someone to love me and be with me.

And after the interlude of my birthday, I was back where my heart felt like it ached deeply where I needed to be busy to feel connected to life and living. I was back to a familiar place where I didn’t feel complete despite all the love and care that I was logically aware of in my life from my family and from my friends – and all the success that surrounded me.